Reflections On A Sunny September Day – I have come to realize that humanity is broken in most of the important places. When I first got involved in animal issues twelve years ago and stared to learn about the scale of cruelty and abuse in every aspect of animal life – both wild and domestic, and the callous abuse of our planet – I was woefully ill-prepared to deal with the emotional trauma and the scope of cruelty and ignorance I was seeing. To say I was naive is an understatement. I had been totally blinded like all good consumers in our world of commercial consumption, longing for what we don’t have, crowd following, and dissatisfaction.
We can fill stadiums, pubs, living rooms, and office cafeterias with rabid FIFA soccer fans but we can’t engage thousands of people in a march to save our only planet or to demand protection for exploited, endangered wildlife and grossly abused domestic animals. Collectively, our souls are malnourished and we have accepted this fact. We don’t want to acknowledge the cruelty that we support because we don’t want to change.
Today in Toronto is a warm, humid, and sunny day and I have calls to make and errands to run. I don’t want to do either. I’m feeling used up, sad, and angry. I can’t stop thinking of all the poor animals in the path of Hurricane Florence – those left behind and those in the deplorable factory farms. This makes me feel even worse. I did however have to go out and have some blood work done at a local clinic and I needed to keep that appointment. I arrived at 2:00 P.M. and was greeted by a waiting room full of people. My heart sank and I wanted to turn around and run.
A hour later the technician called my name and I was leaving by 3:15. There is a cafe/restaurant on the main floor of the clinic that I have always been curious about. At first glance it seems to have a bit of a Mediterranean flair. I was hungry and the lunch crowd was long gone. I went in and asked if they had a take-out option because I wanted to sit in my half-finished garden with my dogs and enjoy my lunch.
Signs on the wall mentioned vegetarian options and I asked about vegan dishes. The owner said, “I will make you what you want. We source locally and these are the ingredients I have today. I settled on a Panini style sandwich of grilled Portobelo mushrooms and fresh, field tomatoes and two sides of salad. One of tabulae and the other a kale/cabbage mix. As I was waiting for my food I got into a conversation with the woman and she showed me their outdoor patio and talked about more people asking about vegetarian and vegan options. When I went to pay her husband – she said to me – “Wait here a moment”. She came back with a large container filled with their rice of the day – basmati rice with a light curry flavour. She said, “This is my gift to you”.
This brings me to my drive home when I thought about the people in the café and their kindness to a stranger. I needed to go to the bank and didn’t want to. Necessity won out. Parking karma saved me a spot in the small lot at the bank. There was no line up at the bank machine and I was in and out in five minutes. On my way home a song came on the radio about the need for women to stand back in life and not think that they need to solve all the problems of the world alone. I started to cry. For the past year and probably longer – I’ve been feeling so broken by the deliberate and unremitting cruelty to animals that I have come to despise people. I am angry at the ridiculous political process in my own country and around the world and other than voting and protesting – I cannot change these fools. I am angry almost all the time. Something has to change!
I am going to take a break from most of Facebook, signing petitions, angry retorts to posts, watching and sharing videos of animal cruelty and raging against the darkness. I’m not going away and I will be back when I’m in a better frame of mind. I’m going to write more posts on my animal blog – A Beating Heart – which I have been neglecting and post daily, positive things on my Facebook page – Light Seekers. Other than that I will be MIA for awhile. It does not mean that don’t care – I do.
I know my FB pals will understand and that they will keep up the good fight. There is a brilliant saying about those who care for animals – “In animal activism I lost my mind but found my soul.”
I understand this completely and my weary soul needs some respite and a chance to grieve and heal. Even though I feel broken – I know that I am only bent. Right now I need to find my way back to the light where I see good people doing amazing things every day and remember that I am not alone. Thank you to all my FB friends who care. You have my admiration, respect and love. Stay strong and Never Be Silent.
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