Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – August 19, 2004
It Was Worth It
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – August 19, 2004 – My data retrieval was successful! I have my computer back up and running just as it was on August 8th – my files are intact – my writing file is safe. I’ve printed out the month of July on paper. I can see it – touch it – put it away in a file folder – get it out again and not worry about it disappearing in a puff of cyber smoke. It exists!
Was it worth the final cost of $1551.50 (less expensive than was originally quoted) – the answer is a resounding “yes”. These pages stand for the commitment I made to myself at the start of the year to write every day. They could never have been duplicated. I could have finished the year and then written more stories to represent the month of July and the first 8 days of August, but they would never have been the same.
I’ve developed a flow to my writing – I often don’t know what I’m going to write about until I sit down at my computer, but one day seems to move smoothly into the next, even though the topics may not be connected.
I am so grateful that I was in a strong enough position financially to be able to afford the tab for the data retrieval company. The fact that the recovery was successful made the exercise all worthwhile. I know I would have regretted not trying. I’ve put my money where my mouth is – my writing was worth that much to me. This tells me something important about what I’m trying to accomplish. It would have been so simple to quit writing when this computer crash happened.
I could have interpreted it as a sign from above that this was not meant to be. It’s not easy to write every day, especially when part of me thinks I have nothing of interest to say, another part of me thinks my writing isn’t good, still another part thinks no one will care and a tiny little bit of me hopes it has some merit. I didn’t really realize I was divided up into so many little bits – but there you have it – four parts make up a whole Rosemary.
I have a sense of pride in what I’ve accomplished so far and I think that’s why this entire exercise was necessary. I believe in what I’m doing – in the discipline it’s taken to reach the 19th of August without missing a day and in the commitment I made to myself on December 31st 2003 to follow through on this goal. Nothing short of finishing this project will be acceptable.
I still marvel that writing continues to appear on my computer screen every day. I know that my stories represent a lot more than just a bunch of words. If I can do this – I can anything. Perhaps I can tackle the fears that have plagued me for so many years. Maybe my panic and anxiety can be challenged. Perhaps it’s time for me to take a step outside of the impossibly small circle that my personal life has become. Maybe it’s time for me to get my feet wet again.
I think this is what my writing represents to me. I am breaking out of my self-imposed exile. I could not afford to lose those pages – they were part of who I want to become. They symbolize the little courages I’ve needed to walk into the lair of the dragon (my own self-doubts) – face it head on and say – “I can do this”. I don’t know what it means yet but I set a goal. I can see the finish line and I will get there. There is no stopping me. This is such a powerful feeling. The lesson to learn is to never give up on yourself and the dreams that live in your heart.
P.S. – August 19, 2014 – I wrote all these stories 10 years ago and then put them in a file folder on a shelf. Friends told me to publish them. I didn’t have the confidence to try. That old “dragon” of fear. This past December 31, 2013 – I decided to publish them on A Beating Heart. The personal e-mails I get have made this all worthwhile. Thanks to all who take the time to comment share or be in touch. I know some of these little missives have touched hearts and helped in difficult times!
