Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – August 27, 2004
Confrontation
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – August 27, 2004 – I am a confirmed “wimp” – I confess my crybaby status to the world. In spite of my friends and family making assumptions to the contrary, I abhor confrontation and I’m not particularly good at handling it when it rears its ugly head.
When confrontation is inevitable, I always have fantasies of how I will address it – with calm authority, cool dispatch and a couple of one-two knock out phrases that will cower my opponent and leave me standing straight and tall, head erect (probably facing the sun) and wearing an appropriate tee-shirt heralding my abilities as a talented negotiator and kind-hearted peacemaker.
I should take a lesson from Augie and Ziggy. Augie approaches every situation in his life with unbridled optimism, a big silly grin on his face, his tail wagging like mad and an expectation that all will be well. Ziggy sits and observes the state of affairs and then walks away with a look of absolute disdain on his puddy face, weaves in and out around my feet to show his pleasure with me or swats me as I pass by to let me know he isn’t impressed with my behaviour.
Both dog and cat get their messages across loud and clear, albeit in a different manner. There is no faltering, inconsistency, apology, recrimination, laying on of blame or pretence.
I – on the other hand often think that I’m not really entitled to my opinion – that I shouldn’t be feeling the way I do, that I don’t have the right to express my view, that I don’t want to hurt anyone else’s feeling or that somehow I should ignore the problem – shut up and just go away. I’m better than I used to be, but I’m still plagued by female, middle-aged, Catholic guilt, which is strange because I’m not Catholic.
I can dredge up something from a year ago and wonder if I might have dealt with it in better fashion. I imagine the things I should have said, the reaction of the other person, my calm response and the eventual decision of the parties involved to agree or respectfully disagree. I know intellectually that this re-living of an event is a monumental waste of time and energy, but I’m like Augie with a tennis ball – intractable in my stubbornness.
I think I like to win and that is not what dealing with confrontation is really all about. Sometimes there isn’t a clear cut winner because both sides believe in their positions and stick to their guns in maintaining it. That shouldn’t be the issue. People don’t always agree and it will be ever thus, however expressing an opinion or defending a position shouldn’t be an intimidating thing. I’m very direct in my dealings with people in business – but on personal issues – watch out for Miss Prissy to appear and then wilt before saying what’s really on her mind.
I do remain ever hopeful that as my life progresses that I’ll learn to come to grips with confrontation. I’m not asking myself to “medal” at the Olympics in javelin throwing – I just want to be comfortable with my opinions and feelings and not apologetic in expressing them. It sounds easy, but it’s actually one of the most difficult things to do with honesty, kindness, tact and finesse. I guess that’s why there is a Diplomatic Corps!
P.S. – August 2014 – You know what is on my mind – times change as have I.
