Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – December 20, 2004
A Productive Day & Thoughts For Tomorrow
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – December 20, 2004 – I was up early this morning, determined to accomplish most of the things on my never-ending list. It’s so close to the holidays that it’s tempting to just shut down the business side of my life and say – “Time for all this next year – there are movies to see”.
However I did want to complete my new client data base and finish a couple of other work related projects that just needed some fine-tuning. I sent out my Christmas greeting to my clients, started part two of my newsletter and E-mailed my real estate colleagues across the country who are part of my network referral group. I got caught up with a few clients who I haven’t spoken with in quite awhile, checked the new listings, booked a last minute showing for Wednesday and then said “enough”. Not much is going to happen in real estate land between now and the new year.
It’s a great feeling to watch the tasks tumble like tall weeds before a summer scythe. Each one decorated with my inevitable red check mark. I feel strong, organized and very much in control when I’m proactive – trying to make things happen – not sitting and waiting.
Once these few things are finished I need to relax, read, visit with friends, go to the movies, call people I haven’t chatted with in far too long, be still, think about the tone of my life for next year and reflect on this year. I already know I’d like 2005 to be “quieter” – less stressful – less of my own personal noise, with fewer bouts of fear and anxiety, and a shortage of irksome encounters with myself and others. I want to be more engaged with people – to feel more genuine – to let the sun shine on my heart.
I know it’s possible because I see it in other people. I’ve been turned inward and edgy for far too long. I know there is a soft, easy flow to life and I crave some of it this coming year. It’s as simple as making a decision, but of course , that’s always the hard part. From somewhere in my psyche the analytical barbs will appear, the perfectionist prattle and the three ring binders. I want none of it. Less gossip – more sincere conversation. Less tearing down – more building up. Fewer nights at home – more interaction with life. Less skulking in the shadows – more dancing in the light.
This year I hope to be different. I will have finished my daily writing. I have eleven stories yet to go. I cannot believe that I’ve stuck with this project. I’m baffled – delighted – proud of myself – frightened that it will soon be over, but strutting around like a proud peacock. I needed to know if I could make this kind of commitment to myself and follow through.
I’ve learned that I’m made of far stronger “stuff” than I’d previously believed. With this beautiful bit of self knowledge at the ready, I’d like to plan next year with a focus on three things – my health (read Howard) – my business and my personal life. There isn’t a reason I can come up with for me not to succeed. As my daily writing comes to an end, I will have get back an hour to an hour and a half a day – free time – my time – there are no excuses. I’ve proven that to myself.
I have eleven days left in 2004 to decide on a direction for 2005. Two hundred and sixty-four hours (okay I have to sleep – eat and go to the movies ) but that still leaves me lots of time to ponder. I envision an easier flow to my life and a more gentle attitude. I’m leaning towards the light that resides in us all – if we learn to see it.
I don’t know if writing has been the source of this of yearning on my part. It probably doesn’t matter from whence it has come. The important thing is that it’s here – quiet and alive in my soul – looking outward just waiting for me to take its hand and say – “Come on out and be part of my life”.
Perhaps an authentic appreciation for life comes at the mid-point of our years or even beyond that marker. I am thankful for this gentle knock at the door of my soul. I know it never happens for many people. They keep looking outward instead of searching within – blaming others instead of taking personal responsibility – being angry instead of forgiving and challenging instead of accepting.
Many things haven’t come easily to me in life, but I’m slowly earning my stripes. One day I hope to be able to honestly say, “I’m no longer a neophyte – I know a thing or two. I’ll share what I know if you like, but if not that fine too”. An envious nature – bitterness and self-righteousness are not fine qualities. Greed isn’t a worthy pursuit and hate destroys the soul.
In the end, a life well lived will have been about trust, sharing, love, caring, kindness, respect, loyalty, honour and forgiveness. On this cold December day when a fresh dusting of snow has painted the landscape winter white – my hard edges are rounded – no longer square and I feel productive, renewed, hopeful, gentle and light. I’m not naive, I know all my days won’t be like this, but for today I’m profoundly grateful.
