Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – December 9, 2004
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – December 9, 2004 – Just so you know – I’m not complaining, I’m just observing life and commenting on the repetitive nature of the daily, weekly, monthly or yearly cycles that we humans go through, and the tasks that we have to keep doing over and over and over again.
Of course, some people choose to ignore these things and move through life at their own pace. However I know that a lot of us are so steeped in conditioning, that we conform without thinking whether we want to or not. We reason that these tasks are essential to a good life.
For instance I just returned from yet another outing to the dreaded grocery store. I’m not going to rattle on about my good fortune at being able to afford food, because I’m aware of this and am enormously grateful. Today’s contribution to my writing is just for fun. I’ve come to realize that:
I will have to grocery shop for the rest of my life. I can’t just stock up for the next ten years and be done with it.
I have to make my bed every morning. Why can’t I just leap out of bed – toss the covers back into some semblance of order and get on with my day?
The dishes will alway get dirty and need to be washed – albeit in my dishwasher – but it has to be loaded and unloaded.
With the change of the seasons comes snow shovelling, garden planting and pruning, outdoor furniture covering and uncovering, leaf raking and then it’s back to snow shovelling again.
We have to call our families and friends over and over again. What’s wrong with a couple of calls and then a nice rest for a few months? That doesn’t appear to be acceptable.
What about hair cuts, leg shaving, eye brow waxing, lip waxing, and bikini waxing. I’m sure if I had just one Brazilian bikini wax that I’d never complain about eyebrow plucking again. Then there are manicures and pedicures because our nails keep growing. I once heard that nails and hair continue to grow after we die, but apparently that’s not true – our bodies just shrink. This is too much information for me!
Paying the bills will never stop. Even after I retire (which seems highly unlikely) I will still have to give my money away to other people.
Putting gas in the car never ends.
Carving pumpkins, decorating for Easter, Thanksgiving, birthdays and Christmas never stops. Why not just have the Easter rabbit, a big pumpkin and Santa Clause permanently set up on the front lawn?
Then there’s ironing! Thank heavens for polyester. But why can’t cotton and silk just look after themselves in the wrinkle department like poly and ester do?
What about Augie? Why can’t he just go for a long walk and be done with it. Oh no – every day he’s at the door wagging his tail with that silly, hopeful grin on his face. Ziggy understands what a useless endeavour this walking bit is – he plays and sleeps. He is a very smart cat.
Then there is my pet peeve and my insurmountable obstacle – exercise. They say it’s an everyday requirement for optimum health. Why?
Following on the footsteps of exercise is sex. It’s essential for procreation. Once again people keep on doing it. Apparently there are five stages to the process, and I’m sure I’ve been through them all. But then there’s all the hype about being attractive, sexy, witty, smart, desirable and knowledgeable about sex toys and positions. I can hardly remember where my own bits are anymore, let alone go embarking on a search for someone else’s “G” spot.
What about showers. The four stages on the human cleanliness chart are confusing enough:
Dirty and dry.
Dirty and wet.
Clean and wet.
Clean and dry.
Then towel at the ready – it’s the same story the next morning. It’s no wonder we’re all exhausted. I can see why reptiles, birds and animals are so happy – scales, feathers and fur are handy.
Getting dressed – picking something appropriate for the occasion. I’m thinking of a nice polyester uniform with a peaked cap. Black, of course, and maybe I’ll have my head shaved while I’m at it to save time on those annoying blow drying sessions.
Food has to be cooked and eaten every day and water must be consumed. I can see why it’s good to be a camel.
Life is a continuum of never-ending chores. But you know, in spite of the interminable round of activities, it’s still the best game in town. So the next time you feel like bitching – think how you’d feel if you had to face life poor, hungry, cold and alone. This, my friends is called perspective!