Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – February 24, 2004
Attitude
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – February 24, 2004 – Attitude is everything – attitude is all. It has taken me a very long time to even start to truly understand this concept and even now I’m a neophyte.
I grasp the ‘intellectual’ element and I understand the opposite, ‘emotional’ side. These two concepts are easy to speak about – but it’s very difficult to master the concept of a great attitude and to remain centred in the present moment. I have good intentions, but I slip up far too often for my liking.
Did I say slip up? What I meant to say was ‘I totally blow it’ – when I’m frustrated by people (stupidity is often involved – theirs not mine) – I find myself biting the inside of my cheek, and having secret fantasies of snapping their necks like a twig. This may explain my affection for the Terminator movies. I can see myself on a motorcycle with a shotgun but that is a whole other discussion – and it may involve some potent drugs and a few long conversations with a therapist.
Then I’d have to be dressed in black leather and for that to happen I would need to have lost the final menopausal pounds. You can see how easily my positive attitude vanishes!
If there is one thing I know, it’s that all aspects of my life can change with a shift in attitude. My mantra one year was ‘Change my attitude – change my life’. I had good intentions at the start of that year, but it was difficult staying on track on a daily basis. This is one of my challenges. I tend to conceptualize the big picture but neglect the little details. Attitude isn’t a concept for a year, it’s a concept for this minute and the next five minutes and the next five after that.
Changes are made by moving forward in the desired direction – step by step. It’s a given that I will falter, and when I do, I need to learn to stop, evaluate my current position, allow myself the luxury of being momentarily off track, and then simply pick up where I left off and move forward again. I understand this completely, this intellectual reasoning. The emotional side – the big yes – being patient with the process, the back peddling and the re-grouping and the starting again. Great concept.
I find this a mammoth undertaking, (wasn’t there a pre-historic elephant-like beastie from the Pleistocene era called a mammoth) a positive attitude as a way of life. It makes me tired just thinking about it. Nap time. I can acknowledge a business or personal problem I may be struggling with, understand it and know I shouldn’t be reacting to it – then suddenly find myself feeling down, sorry for myself or over-whelmed.
I know I’m not keeping the two halves together, I’m not blending the intellectual and the emotional into a cohesive whole. What is the matter with me? Time for the “why bothers” to start and before I know it, I’m ready to give up. I’m responding in the same characteristic way. Herein lies the crux (I like saying that word – crux) of the problem. So what is the solution?
As with most people, my attitude varies depending on where I am and what I’m doing, but the challenge for me is to try and keep it relatively consistent, and not be thrown off centre by people and events over which I have no control. Easy to say! I need to dwell on this awhile longer because I don’t know the answer. For now suffice to say I’m aware and devising a plan.
If you know the answer to a consistent positive mental attitude, please e-mail me some clues, if you haven’t already retired in the south of France. I’ll even give you credit in my book, honest I will. By the way, just so you know, I’m not talking about those goody-two-shoes Pollyanna types, who are so annoying as to be loathesome.
I mean regular, everyday people like you and me who are well-adjusted (almost) and striving to better understand this process of living. In the meantime (wherever that is) – keep up the good fight.
