Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – February 25, 2004
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – February 25, 2004 – I hate Howard. We have broken up. Our romance is over, the bloom is off the rose, or perhaps I should say my sneakers are off his track. Okay maybe that’s a bit strong. I dislike Howard. He just stands there, day after day, in my workout room, waiting – for me.
Why can’t he go out with friends? Perhaps, because he’s a treadmill. I don’t want to curse and swear here and be accused of engaging in salty, ribald dialogue so I’ll refrain from same, and just admit that I’m annoyed with Howard. No, that’s not true. I am exasperated with myself. I’ve just checked my exercise chart and I haven’t done a workout since February 13th. I am a fallen angel, a damsel in disgrace, a woman without discipline, a lady without leotards, a babe with bulges and lots of excuses!Once again I have let work take over my life, and the first things to go are the commitments I’ve made to myself. Wait a minute – not entirely true. I’ve done my daily writing. So this begs the question – how have I accomplished this? I’ve written for at least an hour every day since the last day of December 2003. This dedication to my creative self must be important enough to me that I’m making time to do it. So why, pray tell can’t I find half an hour a day to pursue one of my other important goals for the year, which was to maintain a fitness regimen?
This Is What I’m Telling Myself:
I have been very busy with clients. True.
I’m not sleeping well. True.
I’m so tired when I get up in the morning that I can’t face a work out. Quite possibly a cop out.
I’ve been feeling a bit blue lately. True.
I give my best to others – I pamper my clients but don’t do the same for myself. True.
I’m feeling resentful. True.
I see that the Queen Of Rationalization has once again descended from her throne to toss crumbs to the forlorn. Mainly me. What a crock. I can almost convince myself this is all true. I am tired and I have been working hard. However, I’m going to bed too late and am not getting enough sleep. End of story.
If I wanted to make a choice to turn down some of the business that comes my way – I could do so. The chickens always come home to roost. I’m responsible for the choices I make, every hour of every day. This is my doing. Drat it. Why couldn’t someone else share at least some of the blame for my predicament? Let’s see – because life is not fair. I’m an adult – I can talk myself in and out of things at will. Actually – it’s Blabber’s fault. That darn inner voice of mine. Blabber the bitch – nice try!
So this is the deal. I’ve goofed up. I’m human. I will goof up again. That’s alright. Accept it. I’ve slipped up on my workouts. I just re-read my last Progress Report from January and one of the things I was going to do was be less “rigid”. RIGID! Okay, I’m calm again. Yes, that’s right. I’m going to be less rigid – more forgiving. I’ve had a poor spell and now I’m going to start again. I’m going to go into my workout room right now and apologize to Howard for calling him a useless, shiftless pile of nuts and bolts. I’m going to ask him if we can try to get our relationship back on track tomorrow.
How coincidental that this goes hand in hand with yesterday’s writing on attitude. They say there are no accidents, so perhaps I ought to lighten up a bit and having done so, have a good laugh at myself. I’m remembering the big picture which is to make significant, lasting changes in my life. Change takes time and patience – concepts I’m not good with. I expect immediate, rapid results, failing which, I’m inclined to give up. Not this time kiddo. Back at it tomorrow.
If I only do a thirty minute walk, three times a week, it will be more than I’ve done for the last two weeks. I need to be taking one day a week away from work and doing something besides sleeping. Some new realizations. Some signs of hope on the horizon. Howard will have a full progress report for you at the end of March. Now, that should be interesting!