Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 12, 2004
Pay Attention
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 12, 2004 – I sometimes wonder if I’m going to sit in my house for the rest of my days. If my life continues the way it’s been going for the past few years, this may be a distinct possibility. I’d like to think that as long as I have a smile and a pulse that I’ll be interested in life, but as of late, I’m not so sure.
I’m worn out physically and mentally right now and perhaps this is a contributing factor to my current malaise. On days when I’m too tired to think, all I can do is sit and read or snooze. On days when I have a bit of energy, I’m restless and feeling as if I should be off on some grand adventure, instead of sitting in my house. It’s a quandary.
I have grand intentions. In my mind’s eye I see myself involved with career activities, entertaining, going out, meeting friends for lunch, making new friends, going to the museum and the Art Gallery, booking trips and vacations, getting involved in a new hobby or pursuing a long forgotten interest such as yoga or photography. I’m enthusiastic, tireless and engaged with life. I’m interested and interesting. Instead I sit at home and watch a bad made-for-television movie or a re-run of a weekly program that I watched last February.
What has gone wrong here and is there an antidote or a fix? Can I buy a patch? Perhaps this is genetic – deeply embedded in the code of my DNA, in which case there may be no cure. Maybe this isn’t a malaise at all – just the way I am. I realize it’s possible to just coast along in life, doings all the things that are necessary – fulfilling obligations, earning money, paying bills, running errands and keeping the wolf away from the door.
In the midst of this ongoing activity – nothing is being done to nurture my heart and soul, and bit by bit a feeling of inner depletion builds up, and eventually apathy follows.
With so much that is good in my life, and those of my friends who also endure bouts of malaise, I’m amazed that we’re ever depleted, bored, lonely or sad. I know this is simply the human condition, rife with all its glorious highs and dismay lows.
The only answer is to pay attention to life on a daily basis and then manage the “lows” wisely and with great care. As we all know – the “highs” can take care of themselves! Live for now – in the moment – it’s all we really have!
