Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 14, 2004
I Can’t Believe I’m Capable Of These Thoughts
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 14, 2004 – In my wildest dreams I can’t believe the thoughts that have run through my mind during the last two weeks. After my second real estate ‘rogering’ (I’m being polite here) in as many weeks, I’m revved up and ready to rock and roll. All of a sudden I understand terrorism. Why am I being drawn to bomb-making sites on the internet? Just kidding …
Is it easy to source dynamite and nitroglycerin? Does an old alarm clock really work as a detonator? What about plastic explosives? Does Home Depot sell box cutters? How expensive are one way flying lessons? Should I investigate the use of disguises? Will It matter if I’m not planning on landing the plane? How much damage does an aeroplane do when flown into a residential dwelling? What would the legal ramifications be of changing my name to Rosemary Bin Laden? Does it hurt to be a suicide bomber? Should I leave a note?
Okay, you can see that I’m hurt and dismayed. Heck, I can see it. I don’t think there are many feelings worse then betrayal. It goes hand and hand with the loss of trust and the accompanying emotional pain that brings. There is no getting over feelings of betrayal, one must plough through them. Time allows the sense of treachery to fade, trust can sometimes be re-built, but forgetting the experience is almost impossible.
There is a saying that is profound when it comes to relationships with other people – “When people show you who they really are – believe them the first time”. Now that is a smart piece of advice and one well worth cultivating. When I think back to the last two weeks and the people concerned – there were signs that I noticed, but disregarded. Subtle, and not-so-subtle instances where my time was not valued, comments made to me with an edge and a lack of respect in general.
I tend to let these pass by because I know what a stressful time it is for people when they’re trading in real estate. The stakes for most people are high. However, regardless of pressure, perceived or real, people reveal a lot about themselves in every interaction I have with them. The key is to pay attention to the things that are being said and the things that are being revealed by action and attitude.
I like to think that I continue to learn from every situation in which I find myself. My anger and disappointment from yesterday has abated somewhat and I’m not capable of carrying ill will towards others over the long haul. As much as I think I’m capable of great acts of vengeance – I’m not. Plotting real revenge isn’t in my make up.
I know I’m not capable of treating others the way I’ve been treated these past two weeks and that knowledge is both reassuring and satisfying. My word means something to me and I don’t give it lightly, but once offered it is absolute. I’ll sleep better this evening than I did last night.
In six months time all of this will be a memory, albeit a distasteful one, but a memory nonetheless. Writing these thoughts and feelings down and seeing them on paper has been a positive, cathartic experience. Already I’m focussing on what is a right with all the loyal, considerate and appreciative clients, who have always been the backbone of my real estate career.
When all is said and done, people get to make the choices that they want to and to behave in a manner that they find fitting. I personally believe that it matters how we treat our family, friends, colleagues and business associates – but that’s just my opinion. Some people are insensitive, selfish and unkind and it will be ever thus, but to give them power over my life is a mistake. This life lesson is a powerful one and well worth the learning. The sun will shine again – it always does!