Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 18, 2004
Wise Advice
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 18, 2004 – As I’ve grow older I’ve added a number of lessons to my store of life experience, but I still have a thing or two to learn about wisdom. I have an unhealthy tendency to hang on to negative situations, wishing that they were otherwise and brooding over the how, wherefore and why of the behaviour of others. I’m not talking about a specific situation here – just in general terms
Not only is this counter-productive – (all those rich fantasies of neck-snapping and body part amputations) – but it keeps me stuck in the moment of the negative experience, and trapped by its icy fingers. It’s the old dog with a bone adage, and I freely admit to being a dupe when it comes to this.
In my quest for understanding, I tend to forget that other people do what is in their best interests – plain and simple. I should just write a country and western song about this and be done with it. The refrain might go something like this:
“It’s not that I don’t like you,
I think you’re mighty fine,
But when it comes to you or me, -Lou,
You gotta know I’m pickin’ mine.
A lot has been written, and will continue to be recorded, about the bad things that happen to good people and the injustice of life. How people are the victims of abusive behaviour, unfair treatment and bad luck. This is a fact of life, and it will undoubtedly go on forever. The life lesson is to remember this, and minimize the after-affect when I’ve been on the receiving end of the nasty stick.
I was speaking with Carol, a colleague of mine today and we were chatting about this. She has a rule for these circumstances in her life. She allows herself the luxury of wallowing in the negativity and the hurt for a pre-determined period of time. Depending on the severity of the situation, it may be an hour or a day. After that she moves on and doesn’t allow it to touch her any longer.
I asked her how she let it go and she replied that she puts the behaviour right back where it belongs, at the feet of those who have committed it. As she says, “It’s not about me – I’m just a bystander, the behaviour it that of others, it happens to affect me , but it’s not of my making”. I know intellectually that she’s right, but this is where I seem to get bogged down.
Because I wouldn’t do something I find it hard to accept that others do and I want it to be otherwise. I want to understand. Well, that’s not going to happen any day soon, so I guess the best strategy for abhorrent behaviour is to stop, acknowledge, react, stew for an appropriate period of time depending on the offence, and move on.
The sun will still come up tomorrow, good things will happen to offset the bad and in six months time the sting of the situation will be gone. I think this may be one of the hardest lessons to learn in life – it makes no sense to give your power away and to surrender your well being to another.
