Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 7, 2004
Sometimes I’m In A Mood From Hell
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – July 7, 2004 – From the moment we emerge from the birth canal, girls are encouraged to be sweet, nice, non-confrontational quiet and preferably submissive. Toughness, anger, directness, confrontational behaviour and a competitive edge are for the boys on the jungle gym, the football field or the corporate boardroom.
As a result many girls grow into women who tend to be nice, accommodating, quiet and sweet. We’re not familiar with expressing anger or frustration, and delivering direct comments or constructive criticism are foreign to us. We tend to bottle up our feelings and swallow down our hurt in lieu of rocking the boat or expressing our true emotions. To my detriment I engage in this same behaviour. Wouldn’t want to offend anyone or have them think badly of me!
Today I was royally “screwed” by clients, on whose behalf I have worked very hard. It has left me in a foul mood all day. I want to send them an e-mail with two words that are not “Happy Motoring”, but I know that I won’t sink to that level of childishness, because I value my professional reputation. There are times when a business relationship doesn’t work out.
We all know that and understand this fact, but when people deliberately waste my time and take advantage of my trust, it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. I do know that what goes around – comes around. It’s too bad I won’t get to see theirs when it rounds the corner and smacks them in the face. I know why I liked Jim Carey’s movie Liar, Liar so much – if only we could say what we so often think. There, I feel a little better.
The next frustration in my day was the arrival of Howard’s doctor – late by over an hour. After three hours he determined that Howard’s motor was, in fact, quite sound and didn’t need replacing after all. His mother board had been programmed with data from another style of treadmill. Howard is now raring to go, and not wanting to offend his tender sensibilities, I went for a two mile walk with him this afternoon.
It is my brother’s birthday today and I left for his place for a celebratory dinner, in a mood that would have frightened Beelzebub himself. Not a good idea to toy with a menopausal woman whose stress level is already at the breaking point. Of course, I ended up having a lovely evening.
As usual the food was amazing – oysters on the half shell (I refrained) and fresh lobster (their little eyes bother me), potato salad and lemon white cake. Nobody can make me believe that it doesn’t hurt to be tossed into a bucket of boiling water. But I have to say admit, I partook of the lobster with relish.
Bottom line – I’m tired. I’ve had an incredibly busy year, dealing with the demands of clients who are going through a very stressful process themselves. I understand the drill all too well. I need time away from my cell phone, pager, e-mail, newsletters, hot sheets and presentations. It’s up to me to make that happen and “sooner” not later is the operative word.
I don’t enjoy thinking of the short-lived pleasure I might derive from wreaking vengeance on people who repair treadmills or work at the corner store. Contrary to popular belief, I am a nice person – but even nice people break down under constant pressure. Like all of us, I’m responsible for my own life. Darn, just when I’d hoped there was an “800 number” I could call, I realize I’ll have to do it myself.
I know why wise people are so attracted to the process of meditation. The ability to be quiet, to observe without judgement, to be still, to listen to the sounds of the nature, to feel connected to the life that is all around us. To be profoundly thankful for one’s blessings, to forgive the many transgressions that we endure as human beings and to have faith in the life that has been granted to us. It’s time for me to take a break!