Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – June 30, 2004
I’ve Reached The Mid-Point
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – June 30, 2004 – It’s the last day of June. I’ve written 183 little stories and I’m in a state of disbelief. When I started this project I (secretly) had visions of bogging down about week three, similar to my ongoing struggle to establish an effective nutrition and exercise program. I have amazed myself.
I’ve written every day, and on the days when I didn’t finish, I completed that story just after midnight. I’d like to say that I’m enjoying myself enormously, writing with enthusiasm and flush with new ideas every day. The truth is – this is an incredibly difficult project. My work schedule this year has been relentless. I’m thankful for the business and the monetary rewards, but the hours have been brutal. To come home after a long day and still find the time to write has been a challenge.
Some days, I feel a wonderful stream of creative energy flowing through my veins and I’m astonished at the words that appear on my computer screen. I read what I’ve written and think “not bad – not bad at all”. Other days I re-read my daily jottings and think, “this is a bleeding load of crap”. I don’t even care – why would anyone else?
I’m sure this is a common thing – this lack of appreciation for and confidence in one’s own abilities and efforts. What I do know is that I’m inordinately proud of the commitment I’ve made and been able to keep thus far. It’s obvious that at some level, this means something to me. Otherwise, believe me, I wouldn’t be putting in the time necessary to put pen to paper.
I still have no idea whether my work is interesting, thought provoking, funny, meaningful, relevant or just the daily rambling of a cranky, sleep deprived, middle-aged woman, frustrated by too much work and not enough play. I continue to admit, reluctantly and quite shyly, that I hope it has some merit. There must be more to me than the things I have accomplished so far in life. I have a voice – passion – energy – opinions – compassion – strong beliefs – good intentions – a tender heart. I want to leave a mark on life. I want others to know I was here. Am I vain or simply delusional?
What I know for certain is that I’m learning from this experience. We humans on average, and myself included, use so precious little of our God-gifted talents. Most of us could be so much more than we are. We could love more, hate less, be patient, listen, observe, be thankful, be kind, be tolerant, laugh more, judge less, get involved with life outside our small corner of the block, be truthful and honest, supportive, caring, genuine, we could take more risks, share our good fortune with others less fortunate or work for a worthy cause.
I’m learning to look at my life with a wider perspective – to take off the blinkers, let down the defences and be kinder to myself. When this year is over, I will have accomplished an amazing feat. I am half way there. I have not given up or surrendered to my doubts and fear. I have man-handled Blabber (my incessant inner voice) into submission and have stuck with this creative endeavour.
I’m stretching beyond my comfort level and guess what, it’s not so bad over here. So a pat on the back for me. Inspiration doesn’t always come easily, but I’m discovering that the more I use my creative muscles – the stronger they’re becoming. If I can do this – Lord knows anyone can.
What have you not acknowledged in your life? What talent is waiting patiently in your heart, soul and imagination for expression? There is no better time than when you think you can’t. Don’t wait another day – start now!
