Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – March 22, 2004
Poemry
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – March 22, 2004 – I’ve had a yearning to write for many years. I’ve swallowed it down like aspirin without water. I’ve been terrified that I had nothing of value to say, and I lacked the confidence to put pen to paper. This year (reluctantly) I’m finally breaking free from my self-imposed limitations for long enough to try.
It is not a welcome venture. I’m writing about things I know and people and experiences I’ve encountered, but it does not come easily. Today I was looking through some old papers and came across poems I’d written in the seventies and eighties. I didn’t know then if they were any good and I still don’t know now. The difference is that I’m prepared to let them see the light of day. They are twenty-five years old now – past the teenage years – adults in their own right.
At the time, I was leaving the fashion business and about to embark on my year of living dangerously as a pen, trophy and button sales person. I was busy plugging up my creative outlets, intent on scaling the dizzying heights of the corporate world, convinced that my destiny lay with big business and all the professional folk who populated that world.
Nonetheless during 1979 and 1980 I wrote on the week-ends and then dutifully put away my thoughts. A certain feeling that I was a pretender imbued my thinking. These poems had no chance at life. I was embarrassed that they existed. Today, I feel differently and the writing that follows is from a time years ago when I believed I had no voice. I gave them life then – now I want to let them breath.
A Woman
Growing up
Took so long
But now the ache
To have back the tender
Innocence of youth
Is desperate.
Womanhood makes brutal demands
Maturity, understanding, wit,
Sophistication,
Career, children, friend, lover.
There are moments
When the fissure is visible
Breaking is near.
An internal force
Unseen – unknown
Spreads through the veins
Forcing strength to the outside.
Composure is regained
Externally – completely.
The confident smile
Defies failure
But inside the child screams for recognition
And comfort.
The day passes
And later
Away from others
Within the protective silence
Of privacy
the child emerges
From the woman’s body
To cry … November 30, 1979
The Writer
Head bent
Eyes straining
In concentrated effort
Pen in hand
Interruption is met
With calculated grimace.
Each line worked
Until the original
Claims no relation
To the final prose
Even then
Perfection uncertain
The anxious stare, persists … November 30, 1979
A Friend
Her sleek perfect body
Beside me
Slender legs relaxed in sleep
The gentle motion of her breathing
Expresses utter contentment.
The warmth of her body
So Close
It warms me too.
She sighs and stretches
As consciousness returns
To chase sleep.
Her eyes seek mine
The brown softness there
So full of love
That it hurts me inside.
This precious creature
Who speaks not
Gives strength, love, laughter
And I treasure her … October 19, 1979
A Working Principle
Inspiration comes at night
Forbidding sleep.
Eyes close at four
Blurring morning decisions
Business has eight hour
Expectations
Forcing week-end poemry … October 21, 1979
Fear
I hate to keep
Looking inside myself
I have this terror
That one day
I will look too far
And discover
There is nothing there … May 27, 1980
Do This For Me
Walk for me
Awhile
In the sunshine
Feel for me
Its dancing warmth
On your face
See for me
The beaming full
Smile of a child
Hear for me
The blessed melodies
Of laughter
Savour for me
The perfumed richness
Of a thousand roses
Touch for me
The velvet face
Of a new born puppy
Hold for me
In your heart
The remembrance
Of a hushed
And starlit night
That you can share
With me
These gifts
When my fearful
And troubled mind
Is free again
To question
Why I have not
Walked for a time
In the sun … October 10, 1981
Betrayal
Looking at her
I was in awe
Of fragile features
Perfect skin
Tousled hair
On another
Amiss.
It came to her
Career, love, laughter,
Purpose.
I plotted against her
In my mind
She had conquered easily
What my struggles
Refused to yield.
One day
I heard
She had died
By her own hand
Sorrow hung on my heart
Those who have it all
Must set the example
And endure the expectations.
Didn’t she know that? … May 5, 1981
The Show
Nervous feet
Shuffle
On four inch heels
Cautioned
Never to waver.
Last minute primping
In a private world.
Eager, unsure,
Condescending.
Music blares
Heads jerk high.
Hollow cheeks
Rouged,
Heroin eyes
Black.
Square jaws
Ease lips
Into Vaseline smiles.
Gaunt shadows impelled
Forward,
The soft swish of fabric
Lost
As brittle legs
Carry shapeless bodies
Into the spotlight.
Glory.
On stage,
Briefly.
The acknowledged
Exclamation of beauty.
Skeletons disappear
Replaced by their sisters.
Applause.
Not for the tedious hours
Of starvation and devotion
Darling.
Rather
For the garment
Stitched and tucked
Then labelled ‘designer’.
Cosmetic bag
One third the weight
Of its carrier
Slung over an angular shoulder.
The hall empties
Slowly.
Models inconceivable
Out of costume
Melt into the polyester crowd
To wait for the elevator … January 4, 1980
