Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – October 11, 2004
One Of Many
Short Stories From 10 Years Ago – October 11, 2004 – When I think of all the changes I’m trying to make in my life, I often feel like I’m walking a lonely road. Because no else can create these changes but me, the buck stops right at my door. My friends and family can be supportive cheerleaders, helpful, sympathetic, playing devil’s advocate when necessary and even acting as drill sergeant when I’m faltering – but they cannot make the change stick or give it direction.
That has to come from me. I think that’s why change is dreaded, difficult, intimidating and so easy to give up on. It’s like drinking a strange cocktail of anticipation and abhorrence, with maybe a twist of lime on the side to keep us interested.
The world moves at a breakneck pace. Most of us feel entitled to instant feedback and immediate results. Nothing happens all at once and people use that as a justification to maintain their current behaviour, or to give up on change before it can take effect. Smoking cigarettes won’t kill us next Tuesday. Exercising on Wednesday won’t change the way our bodies look. Being kind to family and friends for a week doesn’t repair an ongoing pattern of destructive behaviour. There is nothing instantaneous about change and it isn’t easy.
Over the years, I’ve used every trick known to womankind to try and short circuit the process of change. I’ve been committed to any of the following – my three ring binders, my plans, my reorganization programs, my attempts with buddy support, my projects with deadlines, my pledges to myself to alter the way I live, goal setting and delving into self-help books and tapes. All of these things have helped me in varying degrees.
Reading has probably been my greatest ally. My mind resembles an old fashioned coffee pot. As a kid, I remember watching the clear glass knob at the top of the turquoise blue coffee pot on our kitchen stove. The coffee bubbled and gurgled and popped away inside. After an appropriate amount of time, which seemed to vary wildly, my Mother would declare it “ready”. The coffee was poured into waiting cups or mugs. My mind has been bubbling and gurgling for the last ten years. Now, I’ve read enough. I’m overloaded with information and ready for action.
It’s comforting to know that almost everyone I know is on a mission of one kind or another, to make changes in their lives. It makes the thought of change more inclusive and less isolating and intimidating. I have friends and acquaintances going through marriages, divorces, separations, job changes, job loss, death, problems with their children, life threatening diseases and health related crises.
All these events change a person’s life and the lives of all those around them. There is an old saying – “There are only two predictable things in life – death and taxes”. I think that should be amended to say – “Death, taxes and change”. Now – that’s an accurate assessment of life, and one we should all be taught at our mother’s knee.
I’m ready to and for change, and I’ve learned an interesting thing. The only way to effect change is to get out there in life and do things differently. No amount of talking or planning is effective without action. I’m challenging my anxiety at every opportunity – sometimes successfully – other times not. I’m thinking about how I want my life to be and then doing things that reflect my new vision for myself.
I’m more optimistic about a positive outcome to decisions and better equipped to deal with disappointment and move froward when my choices need to be fine tuned. I’m better able to look around me at people everywhere who are faced with change – planned and unexpected. I am “one of many”. Ultimately we all must travel our own path in life. Sometimes surrounded by helpful people and other times walking alone. We’re all on a quest to live our best lives and to grow and mature in these intertesting times, and I’m determined afresh to live a different and better life.
